December 2025
December 27th
Writing about the stuff I did last night, I’m thinking more and more about why I’m stuck where I’m at and trying to pursue what I really want to do that is: photographing what I want to take photos of, write about things that I’m interested in when I’m not photographing. I just want to keep churning ideas out there, show different angles and perspectives of the world that we see everyday. But the reason why I’m not making anything is because I’m not not putting a price on anything that I’m doing and instead giving it all away for free hoping that in 10 years time of doing all this for free that I’m going to have a breakthrough and have a photo on a newspaper or be in a very niche street photography magazine.
I can’t really do much with the photos, I enjoy Flickr and that’s one of the very few platforms that I enjoy being on. But I need to do something where I can make something once and keep selling it and tweaking it so that it can make money in my sleep. I have the potential, have knowledge of photography and I have zero obligation to give everything I know for free cause in this world everyone wants everything for free. Everyone is waiting for someone to share their password to their netflix account, wanting to borrow someone’s book or dvd instead of using their own money. When you ask people to pay for your work, you’re going to get the highest quality fans who not only enjoy your work but financially support you.
I need to start being confident in who I am and stop letting people run over me. It’s time to be taken seriously.
December 26th
Had a bad migraine all day. Lots of oversleeping involved and are still going to happen between now and New Years Eve.
We watch a movie and slept through the whole thing. I woke up not feeling rejuvenated, my migraine got worse and had to drive home around midnight. Two thoughts entered my mind while driving that I could go into a long tangent about:
You take pictures of things you want to take and want people to know you for.
If you’re 200lbs trying to lose 50lbs, you have to change your mindset and diet to that of a 150lbs person. You literally have to fake it to make it. If you keep doing the habit you’re currently doing, you’re going to quickly get up to 225lbs in no time. Or if you want to feel like you have confidence even though you lack self-confidence, you have to change into the right clothes, and when you do that you feel like you have control of yourself the same way you feel good after getting a fresh haircut or getting your nails done.
I also listened to a podcast run by Rangan Chatterjee I started listening to because he interview Rick Rubin when he was promoting his book. On his last podcast of the year he’s re-promoting a book he wrote in 2002 with two new chapters and a forward by another writer. And he asked:
With your current lifestyle that you’re living now, would you be happy if it stayed like that for the next ten years.
It was the first time I responded out loud in my car in the empty highway: Hell no.
I wouldn’t be happy if I lived my current lifestyle for the next six months.
But something is happening that I wasn’t thinking before. Wires in my head are being plugged into the correct ports and things are starting to make sense.
This is a question your company that you work for will never ask you. They don’t ask cause if they do, it’ll make you realize how much the company’s been milking your labor for cheap and the leadership gets the largest slice of the cake
December 25th
Merry Christmas to everyone out there.
It’s not 2026 but it will in a couple of days. I’m thinking about things that I need to do differently to get out the the ditch that I’m in.
I started the past month but I’m working on clearing out my credit card debt. The interest fees have been passively eating inside my bank account for too long. No more financing, no more Klarna, no more mass spending with that plastic card. Once that gets taken care of, then I can finally work on making a positive profit. All of last year I had good money coming in but behind the curtain, the credit card debt had yet to be paid off.
I have a lot of personal plans I want to accomplish and plan to blog about it more to show the progress and hopefully it inspires you to pursue something that you’ve been putting off for a long time.
You have to blog or write whatever is on your mind down before it gets aways. Anything that you felt significant, write it down in your little notebook or on a notes app on your phone, you can then polish the idea up when you get home and write it as a tweet or a blog post, add some pictures if you feel that it can help you explain the idea.
The idea of blogging has intrigued me for a while, ever since coming up mostly Eric Kim’s blog. A blog was something very popular in the early 2000’s before facebook and social media came along. Writing a blog is much different than posting on instagram or uploading a video on youtube. Blogging is more deeper and you’re trying to explain your thoughts through words. Youtube has kind of replaced the blogs cause visual content is much more engaging and easier to watch a video of someone talking about a topic you enjoy while eating your food, than to eat your food while reading a lengthy blog post. First a blog require you to buy expensive equipment. You can blog on your laptop or your phone. With the competitiveness of youtube, not only do you need a good idea, but you need to be a good editor and you need decent lighting equipment.
Watched the film Arrival today
I’ve been shooting a lot on my polaroid camera and was gifted a photo album that holds 160 polaroids. Shooting on instant polaroid film is my go at shooting film. It’s taught me a lot, every shot has to have intent to it. It’s about $18 per pack and each pack has 8 polaroids. Yea it can be expensive, but i care about the moment so I’m not worrying about how much money is going towards buying polaroid film cause I know many years down the line, I’ll be grateful to have all these memories on a polaroid.
I have an amazing girlfriend, she’s always learning and knows way more than me. No matter how many dumb questions I ask her that are quite obvious, she never makes me feel like an idiot and I think that’s why she knows so much and is still eager to learn more about life, it’s because she’s always asking questions and the people who helped her along the way in her life never made her feel insecure for asking simple questions.
It’s 2:02am I should start getting ready for sleep.
#2026goals
I want to view and collect more photobooks in 2026. Plus it might be a cool way to utilize the livestream feature on telegram
Clear out my credit card debt for good.
Re-do my website and learn coding. Squarespace was good, but I don’t think it’s that good in the long long run. Found a site that better matches the way I think cause I want the website to be more than just my photogrpahy portfolio.
December 24th
Went to a Christmas Eve Music Perfermance at a friend’s church. Noticed that the musicians were tuning their instruments through an app on their iPad.
Social Media is not all that bad. I scrolled maybe more than I should but through it found some interesting people. Parents from Shanghai, China created an instagram account for their, as of now, 6 year old daughter who will approach adults if she can take their photo. She’s 6 years old and she’s already got a photography portfolio…
A gentleman mans a parking lot in the city. He’s never earned more than $12/hr (this video seems to have been in the late 90’s or early 2000’s) but at the end of the month, he invested $25 in mutual funds and bought some Coca-Cola and IBM stock, let it grow to whatever and in 15 years, he has $500k in his portfolio and is debt free.
These are the two videos that stuck with me through the scrolling but I the common thing I saw in both is that you just have to start somewhere.
You don’t have to make a lot of money to start investing. This man made no more than $12/hour and invested $25 every month to his portfolio and it 15 years, he has half a million dollars.
The 6 year old girl, thanks to her parents for setting up her account, she’s not an established photographer but she’s out and about taking photos of strangers, enough to create a portfolio and by the time she’s a teenager she’ll have the portfolio, better skills with lighting equipment, better connections in-person and on social media.
You have to start somewhere.
December 15th
Working a plan to pay off my credit card debt. Kind of a bad time to do it with the holiday shopping. But doing budget cuts on areas where I don’t need to spend. It’s going to work out because I’m tired of paying these interest fees.
I went to DC and it was so cold that you couldn’t feel your face. I tried to take photos but had to stop immediately. It’s probably time to start photographing inside the metro again. With the national guards inside the metro, I don’t know if that will make photographing more difficult.
Went to pickup someone at Union Station. I very rarely drive into DC, I’m not a confident driver to drive there. Luckily it was after 9pm and not many cars but could definitely feel like the outsider as cars were passing me tailgating me. Almost missed an important turn. This particular turn on Google maps makes it seem like you have to be on the far left lane cause you’re making a left, but you actually have to be on the far right cause it leads into a tunnel that goes left… It’s one of the most confusing parts of DC that it’s on social media a lot. Almost missed a turn and had to go over a median, luckily it was low enough that it didn’t cut my tires.
December 11th
1:30am Read the first couple pages of Lighter by yung pueblo. I don’t like his writing style, it feels too separated from reality that it feels like it’s written with the help of AI. He’s also overly generic about his substance abuse that you doubt that he had a drug problem. But there’s a couple of good lines here and there that are keeping me hooked.
The first pages talk about the concept of self-love and his personal definition of it being accepting yourself both the good and the bad and understanding that you still have space to grow and improve.
Another part that stuck with me is lying distances you from yourself and how you aren’t going to have deep connections with someone if you are distanced from yourself from all the lying that you do. It made me think about the lying that I’ve done to myself and I didn’t have to think too hard cause I’ve been lying a lot to myself. I hate the job that I do and everyday it’s waking up 5am at times and having to put on the fakest of faces and pretending that I like it and feeling so drained coming home that I don’t have the effort do street photography or other hobbies of mine.
It’s making me think about how can I live a life that I truly feel close to myself and my personality and make a living where I don’t have to act like someone that I’m not.
Squarespace was a fun time. I thought that this would be my final place of website searching. But honestly a good question I asked myself was why I need to spend $XXX for a website. I want a website still but I know that it doesn’t have to be that much. So I found a better alternative that just might be another playground to practice website design and some coding in 2026. Maybe I don’t want a final place I just want to play around in different digital playgrounds.
December 10th
Woke up at 5:15am, took a quick shower and then headed to work.
December 2025
2025-12-10
Was chit chatting with my co-worker about our holiday plans.She had to cancel her plans to go to Puerto Rico to save money and until the father of her daughter can take care of her.
She asked me if I had my own set of photography equipment. I told her I did but haven't really used it as much as I should and that I've really only used it on my dog.
Then we got to talking and admitted to her that I knew that I had enough personal equipment to pursue my own photography business but that I'm just scared to actually start and promote myself. I think in my generation we were kind of told to wait for a coach or a teacher or a company to tell us when to start something. We were never encouraged to do anything independenty. Our entreupeneurial side of us has been left to whither away. To pursue something independently to go freelance feels almost illegal, it's hard to explain but it feels like ever since we were kids growing up through the American public school system we were taught to study, go to school, create resumes and work for a company. No one told us that it was ok to work freelance and you could make just as much money.
Anyway going back to my co-worker, she told me straight up that I shouldn't be scared to market myself to people. In the end of the day you aren't investing in all this equipment to make $75 here and $30 there three-four times a month. We invest in the equipment that we own in order to make money to earn a living and that there' nothing wrong with that. I wish I recorded exactly how she said it to me but it felt like a little motivational speech that you only hear in movie scripts or in a novel. What she said to me rung in my head all day.
That photo above… everything worked perfectly, right focal length, flash power, angle, timing. You’ll never get it 100% perfect but I felt very happy with the moment and received very good engagement as soon as I posted it on Flickr.com.
Anyway this is something that I really need to work on in 2026. There’s the street photography which I don’t think I’m going to make money out of it but then I need to make another photography side of me that’s completely separate and more of taking photos that a client needs. I’m going to be spending the rest of this month brainstorming.
December 9th
Due to laziness I stopped bringing my personal camera to work. Not even at least leaving it in my car. That’s probably why I’m not shooting as much as I want. Yesterday I carried my camera bag with my flash and during break time was just photographing random objects inside the place I was working. Bringing your camera is better than taking a photo with your phone but if you bring a flash with you, it changes the look of that object such as this plant that I took a photo of last night.
Random Shower Thought: Would be crazy if it was a federal crime to not vote. They could see who you voted for collected into a database or it would be displayed somewhere. Neighbors wouldn’t trust you if you didn’t display who you voted for. In some degree that’s kind of happening right now. People attached the I’m Vax’d display on their Facebook profile picture etc.
Out of all the flash photographers I’m more influenced by the work of Wendy Morgan who posts mostly on Flickr
Before heading out to my evening shift, I’m going to help out a friend clear out their basement. Might bring my camera to see if there are any antiques to take photos of.
5:17pm: Really glad that I brought my camera and most importantly a flash. With certain types of photography, bringing a camera but not bringing your flash is just as bad as not bringing a camera at all. Especially when you’re working with indoors and you’re trying to get a sharp clean image, a flash will give you that pop into an image that ambient light cannot do.
I know that you should be happy with the camera that you have on you and if you forget your camera at home then take the photo with your phone’s camera but as a photographer, you should always be prepared and have the right lenses and small light set up cause the best photo opportunities come out of nowhere where you don’t expect them to happen.
I’ll probably upload the photo tomorrow and show you what I captured early this afternoon.
Last night watched the Early Access of the Korean film No Other Choice by Park Chan Wook before it released nationwide on Christmas day. There were a couple of scenes the entire auditorium laughed when you kind of shouldn’t have lol. It wasn’t my kind of film and it’s hard to keep going back and forth between watching the film and reading the subtitles. Here’s the trailer for it:
December 6th
I like to arrive to work before the rest of my co-workers arrive. I’m not really a fan of getting up early but you’re going to have to wake up sometime so might as well get it over with. I like waking up early to beat the traffic before the rest of society gets on the road to cause traffic which causes you to get angry before the rest of your day starts. That’s almost like the secret code: doing what most people don’t want to do. Most people don’t want to leave early, most people don’t want to dress up before going outside, most people don’t want to take responsibility, most people don’t want to learn a new hobby it keeps going. But if you realize that doing the thing that most people don’t want to try, it’s actually not that bad. I changed a bit these past two years and trying to find more things that most people don’t want to do. I want to try to strike up a conversation with a stranger or make friendly eye contact with someone on the metro or at the cafe. They’re not even risks but people are scared to do things that are uncomfortable.
December 5th
The weather forecast expected a light flurry of snow to happen in the morning. Wanting to avoid the mix of DMV traffic and snow I left for work at 5:30am and it started to snow as soon as I arrived. Several of my co-workers are arriving an hour late and they live much closer to work than me.
While waiting for everyone else I was reading a little bit of the selected letters of Hunter S. Thompson on my Kindle.
“Write and tell me not only about what you do, but what you think. Above all be honest and don’t kid either of us. As I said before, there is too little time for us to deal in superficialities.”
December 4th
Working night shifts. That allows me to wake up without the alarm clock. I’ll still get up pretty early to get some stuff done. I’ll read a couple pages of a book and watch another third of a film I started watching last night.
This morning I finished watching Grizzly Man by Werner Herzog. It’s a documentary about Timothy Treadwell who spent every summer for a decade living with the Alaskan Grizzly Bears and the last summer he and his girlfriend were killed by the animal he was trying to defend. Herzog goes to Alaska to film his close friends and the locals about him and his character as well as inserting some of the actual footage that Treadwell recorded on his digital camera.
Many thought of him as a crazy man and saw this was going to be his ultimate end. Herzog was intrigued by the story and wanted to delve deeper to find the humanity of Timothy Treadwell and tries to underst
December 2nd
Woke up around 8am. Poured coffee. Wrote out three checks to pay the utility bills. Work in the afternoon. Rained. Three car crash on the side of the 270/495 split towards Maryland. Uploading all my photos to Flickr in order to cancel my iCloud subscription. I’ve been paying for so many unnecessary things. Apple is smart. People are too lazy to migrate their photos to another platform that’s much cheaper. Apple makes so much just from iCloud and Apple Music. I cancelled Apple Music to save up. And if I cancel iCloud I can save about $22/month.
December 1st
Don’t feel like blogging anymore. What’s the point? Almost feel like wanting to quick street photography altogether. I mean if you aren’t going to make any money off of your photographs and your thoughts you post on your website, flickr, x etc. what’s the whole point? You might gain hundreds of followers but it’s not helping pay the bills or purchase new gears. I know that I’ll never quit taking street photography but right now don’t feel like posting a lot right now.
Seriously what’s the point of having a website. I’m going to keep complaining while I’m still writing here. I want to keep writing but while many big social media accounts say that you should write in public on substack, x, or anywhere, why is it bad to write only for yourself.
I have a blank document I’m going to write there now. Not that I don’t have anything to hide, I don’t think it’s all that good to write everything out in the open. Like musicians, I prefer to wait for the album instead of hearing new snippets or them livestreaming of themselves and their crew in the studio. I’ll wait for the finished product. I don’t really want to see to much of the behind the scenese stuff.
