The Dam is About to Burst
I’m not enthusiastic about the work I do. It’s repetitive once you’ve done it for a while. My tolerance for the work is ok. For now. But I know that if I do this any longer, I’m going to have some kind of mental breakdown and I don’t want my coworkers to witness that.
This is the first time being this busy with work. On paper, it sounds nice cause you always have some kind of work and money is coming in regularly. But not one single ounce of me is in love with this job. I know that it’s toxic for my mental health the longer I stay here. I’m trying to pursue my own work developing my business on the side when I have the time. But I think the fear why I haven’t fully committed to my own ideas is out of fear. Fear because I feel like I’m doing something wrong like a child coloring outside of a shape with his crayon. Growing up, no one told us or encouraged us to work independently. That you do not have to put on a suit every day and work for a company or for the government. There are people out there with a nice little home, a family and can travel whenever they want all by working through their own brand.
I’m building the courage to execute my path to being independent and weening off of the dependency of the monthly paycheck. This won’t be overnight. There’s so many things I’m trying to accomplish in a day so I’m just happy to lay one brick at a time rather than trying to build one side of the wall in a couple of hours.
Right now I’m coming close to an important fork in the road. One path where I can pursue my independent freelance career or choose the path everyone else is going which is keep working for a company and not have full control of your time.
The dam inside me is about to burst. I can feel water seeping through. I think the more I write about this journey, it encourages me to execute those ideas rather than have them stored in my head.
